The History of Drunk Correspondence
The Inception
Drunk Christmas Cards comes from Drunk Letters. Drunk letters are directly related to conversations with my grandfather. You see, when I was younger, I had this amazing idea that I would write hundreds of letters. To all sorts of people. One day, I mentioned this to my grandfather while he was reading a handwritten letter from his childhood best friend's wife. He asked me how many letters I'd wrote so far, and I told him none. He then told me I'd be lucky if I ever wrote 10 letters in my lifetime.
Deciding that I needed an excuse to write letters, I threw up a "submission form", posted about it on Facebook. A few days later, I got drunk, and wrote letters.
- Number of letters wrote: 11
- Number of Magic: The Gathering Cards given away: 20
- Times I transformed into a train: 1
- Number of pregnant people I made laugh at me: 1
- Number of Fitbits I lost: 1 (I found it later)
- Hangover: As if
Round 1 of Drunk Christmas Cards
After the success, (yes, I count 11 letters as a success) I decided to take it commercial. I got a sponsor, (myself) and I decided to post about it on Reddit. (I was hocking an eBook I'd written that year called Player Retention, a book about using technology to improve storytelling and keep players coming back to the table.)
- 8 Countries
- 29 Sober Cards
- 58 Drunk Cards
- 60 Drunk Texts
- 51 Sober Texts
- 22 Tweets
- 3 Trolls
- 2 New Friends
- 1 Stalker
- Number of people Entertained: At Least 15
- Chicken Strips Consumed: 5
- Ex Girlfriends afraid I would die: 1
- Ex Girlfriends disappointed I didn't die: 1
- Hangover: Nope
It was a Success, so... Repeat
In 2015 I put the application up again. This time, it was pretty different, though - I lived in New York, completely separated from my family. So I didn't put a lot of effort into it. The results were the worst I've had, but they were still pretty good. It took me over 11 hours to write all the cards and text all the people.
- 11 Sober Cards
- 44 Drunk Cards
- 36 Text Messages
- 15 Tweets
- 0 Stalkers
- Foods loved: Anything with salt
- After Care: Self-performed
- 2 People mentioned NSFW situations
- Hangover: Didn't bother to show up for the fight
What's better than one? Two.
I moved back to Missouri in 2016 because... well, I wanted to. Plus that's where my now-ex-wife lived. (We both still live in Missouri). I decided to rewrite the card application, and collect different information. We agreed to stop doing the text messages and phone calls, but spent a lot more time on Facebook Live.
- Reddit Users: 113
- Twitter Users: 41
- Countries: 24
- Sober Cards: 6
- Drunk Cards: 126
- Hours spent on Facebook Live: 2.5
- Hangover: He never had a chance against the likes of me
Get engaged - no, seriously.
I got engaged in 2017, shortly after doing Drunk Christmas Cards! (Like, honestly, the very next day) and then watched Star Wars. Had a great time, and we had the most signups we ever had - 147! Elgin had a great time filling out cards with me. She will now be writing all future drunk Christmas Cards with me!
- Drunk Cards: 139
- Sober Cards: 9
- Countries: 17
- Reddit Users: 121
- Tweets: 47
- Fiancée's gained: 1
- Hangover: No power in the 'Verse was gonna give me a hangover
We don't talk about 2018.
I ran for public office. I lost. Got caught in 2 downsizing events. Thought sending out Christmas cards would be wildly irresponsible.
- Friends pissed off because I didn't send drunk Christmas Cards: 12
Preparing for the End of the World and we didn't even know it.
2019 was a fairly good year for me. What's the old saying? Pride goeth before the fall? Guess I shouldn't have been so happy at the end of 2019. We may have been able to avoid the dumpster fire that is 2020... Oh well. I'd marry my wife again!
- Sign Ups: 167
- Countries: 21
- Twitter Users: 44
- Reddit Users: 144
- Acquired one wife
- Number of people wife flirted with while writing drunk cards: at least 1, probably more.
- Hangover: None, unless 2020 counts
The one where the internet tried to kill me
HOLY FORKING SHIRTBALLS YOU GUYS. If you get that reference, I will love you until you stop reading this sentence. We had 317 people sign up from 34 different countries. That was INSANE. Also, I took a really dope photo of a Cooper's Hawk while I was so drunk I could barely stand. Maybe that's why he looks so pissed.
2020 was another hard year. From a team of 5, by the end of the year I was the only one left. Luckily everyone seems to have landed on their feet in 2021. Hoping for a brighter 2022!
- Sign Ups: 317
- Countries: 34
- Twitter Users: 47
- Reddit Users: 235
- Instagram Users: 124 (Seriously, y'all love IG more thant Twitter?)
- Political Cards: At least 2 by request
- Vulgar requests: 1
- Number of fucks given: Apparently 7. Y'all had a LOT of fucks to give me last year.
- Repeat Signups: 98! Holy cow!
- Hangover: At this point I don't think the Hangover is ever going to show up. (Or maybe I'm in a Coma. Can someone see if they can wake me up?)
The Light at the End of the Tunnel... was a train.
Here's the thing. 2021 is in the past. It's over. It's finished. Done for. Complete. In the rear view mirror. Gone. Kaput. See ya.
2021 was a pretty good year, though - all things considered. We had a lot of sign ups, a lot of interesting requests, and we filled out a lot of cards! Thanks to all of you for signing up.
But I know what you're really here for. So...
- Sign Ups: 151
- Countries: 20
- Tweets: 24
- Reddit Messages: 60
- Instagram Messages: 42 (Yes, you all still love Instagram more than Twitter)
- Q-Anon cards: 1
- People falling in love with us: 33 (You're welcome?)
- Covid Mentions: 4
- Lonely People: 5
- Hangover: If I ever have a hangover, I'm gonna call Mark Hamill and invite him to hang out. So. You know. Let's do better next time, shall we?
Something Spooky this way comes
This year I decided to do extra stuff. What extra stuff? Well, if you were cool you'd already know. Mark Hamill knows, and he isn't even aware of this site.
That's just how cool he is.
Anyway. I wanted to expand, so I wrote some short stories.
- Number of signups: 31
- People I know: 31 (that's right, I know ALL OF YOU)
- People dumb enough to want texts: 20
- Amount of Alcohol Consumed: Copious
- Time Taken: 10 hours
- NSFW request: 21
- Angry friends: 2
- Anonymous Nerds: 1
- Hangover: Too scared to come out and playyyyyayyyyyy.
The Island of Drunken Morose
I was going to kick this off with some Eminiem lyrics but Shady Records, Inc. definitely didn't send me a preemptive cease and desist message telling me in some uncertain terms that I was probably not advised to do that.
Or something.
Anyway, 2022 is gone, it's over, and you're still there. You don't know it, but you are. And now there's nothing I can do to save you.
Unless...
Read on, to find out the 2022 information you have been dying to read.
- Signups: 114
- Countries: 16
- Tweets, Instagram Messages, Reddit Messages, etc.: 0 (I was lazy)
- Texts: 55
- Emails: 72
- Unique Pronouns: 14
- Number of people that thought I'd pledge Fealty to them: 3
- Arboreal Signups: 1
- People who signed up a friend: 2 (Naughty)
- People who signed themselves up multiple times: 1
- Number of notes: 115 (new record, everyone put a note in!)
- Sad People: 5
- Happy People: 9
- People who said fuck: 3
- Hangover: As present as Austin St. John was in the Power Rangers 30th Anniversary